Power Rankings

Rashee has been unshackled from the brig and now sails beneath the proud ensign of the DelFL’s new flagship. From a lowly berth in 18th place, this ascent has been nothing short of a voyage through storm and starlight, charted by steady hands and an unflinching captain. Ahead lies another tempest: next week’s Game of the Week against the leaky Philadelphian pinnace. Yet with recent conquests over #2 Bo and #5 Parker, and the Sun God now joined by fresh wind at wide receiver, this ship may have reached its ceiling of design, but not the horizon of its ambition.

London is Calling. The PRC’s #2-ranked side has touched down at Heathrow, passport stamped with victory over Billy’s Piccadilly Circus of a team. Bo remains as steady as a double-decker on the Strand, but not all is tea and crumpets. The quarterback carousel of T-Law and Unsturdy Purdy threatens to lock this club in the Tower of the Giorgio Cup, while Egbuka’s tight hamstring adds a bit of drizzle to the forecast. Still, this squad isn’t heading down the Tube: it might just be the crown jewel of this year.

The PRC just branded this roster a circus: maybe harsh, but not far off. Once a well-oiled spectacle of strength and showmanship, Billy’s act has lost its rhythm. Brock Bowers, the main attraction, still limps beneath the tent lights, and the clown car of substitutes has sputtered out. The rest of the troupe keeps the show alive, but without its star back in the ring, this traveling act teeters on the edge of sideshow status.

Even with London’s early fireworks, Keith had the alpha bird in the aviary, Bijan spread his wings in the 4th and carried the White Wolf to a tight win. But Bijan wasn’t the only beast on display; Keith had just returned from the zoo, studying gorillas thumping their chests “field research,” he claims, for his newly ‘swole’ physique. PRC hears he’s been in the gym so much he now flexes between trade offers. Winter is coming, and we’ll soon see if this roster stays carved from stone or ends up whining about the Commissioner’s camera angles while sneaking Trader Joe’s peanut butter cups from his pockets.

Parker must be wondering if this bull run’s about to pop after Puka’s latest ouchy. If Keith’s portfolio is indexed to Bijan, Parker’s is over-leveraged on the fragile health of his Rams WR. Some traders are still holding, but the PRC's stop-losses are set. It’s been a full market cycle since this franchise last hit the playoffs, back when Guardians of the Galaxy premiered and Bitcoin was still a fringe asset. How can this team be trusted?

The King stacks shoes like crowns of fate, like the princess who felt the hidden pea, he’s attuned to the league’s finest details: proof of royal blood, no matter what Chuck says. A lineup twitch here, a sovereign instinct there. While others slept, he alone felt George Pickens stirring, no longer a jester, but a knight risen to glory. The King feels all, and for now, he keeps stacking both sneakers and victories alike.

You know it’s coming, the PRC knows it’s coming, hell, the whole refinery knows it’s coming. The inevitable blowout, the indubitable “of course that happened because of course it did” explosion from Tony. And sure, sometimes those flare-ups are just part of running a plant or team. But someone’s got to answer for flooding the cooling tower with crude instead of water. Likewise, someone’s got to answer for firing up Isiah Bond two straight weeks while better, cleaner fuel sat idle in reserve.

Sometimes the Power Rankings just write themselves. CJ Stroud was on a bye, and through Jesse’s symbiotic relationship with the Texans QB, it should be no surprise that the Wohls Across America operation too was on bye. Even if Jesse hadn’t balked in Week 7 and had actually fielded a defense, the result wouldn’t have changed. The real question now is momentum: this roster once had enough juice to fill a blender, but after this limp showing, it’s starting to feel less like a fresh squeeze and more like gas station dried fruit without preservatives.

Another year, another Chase, another lost season? Maye-be. The early returns on the Andrew–Jeff trade suggest a rare win-win. Jeff shored up his quarterback hole and landed a credible WR1 in exchange for Ja’Marr Chase. Drake Maye flashed legitimate top-five DelFL upside, while Ladd looked less like a bust and more like a sophomore caught in seasonal turbulence. Jeff’s receiver corps is still thin, thinner than it was a week ago, but this roster now feels sturdier, less beholden to Chase’s weekly mood swings, and better built for the grind.

The White Ghost met fate’s brutal reign, Axed clean like old Ichabod Crane, Fields dug the grave, Indy Jones couldn’t save, Now he’s headless, erased from the game.

As mentioned in Jeff’s blurb, this was a true win-win trade, yet the Baby Seals might have landed the knockout blow. They now boast the most lethal 1-2 receiver combo in the DelFL, a vintage early-’90s Mike Tyson uppercut of JSN and Ja’Marr. And while we’re still waiting for X to re-enter the virtual WeChat ring, there’s no doubt he’s been training, gloves laced, ready to throw his weight around this season. The PRC would love to see both, but will gladly take one out of two.

Are we in the scene in Seabiscuit now where Jeff Bridges is wrecked by the loss of his son (probably shouldn’t have taught him how to drive at age 12), betting wild on the ponies, and waiting for Elizabeth Banks to save him? Maybe Stinky and Elizabeth need to head upstate, buy back the horse, and believe again. The roster still looks spent, but like Seabiscuit and curly red-headed Tobey Maguire, they might still have one last run left.

The three-game win streak nearly hit, but despite slipping to 2–4, this team’s outlook is far brighter than the odds suggested a few weeks ago. Is this a playoff contender? The PRC is as uncertain on that as they are on how anyone manages to place live bets on West African friendlies. Still, this franchise isn’t afraid to roll the dice, they’ve got a gambler’s heart, always chasing the next hot streak. It’s just a shame that same trigger finger hammering the Caesars bid button doesn’t show up when it’s time to gamble on a DelFL trade.

That soggy slide just keeps getting slicker. Three straight losses, and the mud is rising fast, threatening to wash away whatever good vibes once flowed through the village. With Allen and The King both sidelined, the forecast against the surging NBBS looks grim. Maybe the hangover from the Engagement Party will finally clear, and this team can find footing on drier ground. But for now, the PRC sees nothing but dark gray skies and thicker sludge ahead, and the rest of the league should expect a flood of trade offers to start clogging their inboxes.

In Fort Myers, Yanni’s in pain, Four losses have rattled his chain. Theo was rotten, Keenan’s forgotten, Only Lamb can bring sun after rain.